MONTAGE.
Footage of Mary and David doing things. There is a sinister tone underneath the whole montage. Snippets of dialog between Mary and David.
Interior of Mary's house. Her opening the front door.
MARY
David?
Cut to Mary standing in the woods alone.
MARY
David? Are there?
Cut to the inside of David and Mary's tent in the woods. David turns on the camera and holds it to his face for some time. Mary wakes up.
MARY
David, what are you doing with my camera?
DAVID
Nothing.
David turns off the camera.
INT. MARY'S ROOM.
Mary sits in front of the video camera she's set up on her computer, maybe a web cam or something similar.
MARY
OK. So this is, like, the first ever installment of my new video diary so that when I'm become all famous from my cut-throat documentaries of the hardship, famine, war, disease, political turmoil, and social problems that exist today, I can use all of my footage to show younger generations what my childhood was like, cause all of this will be gone thanks to the Chinese government that'll gain power and bring a newfound peace and prosperity to the world whether you like it or not thank you very much. So after I except my Oscar for best documentary for my film about what it's like to be grown in a human womb, I can just make another film explaining my early career, which will of course snag next years Oscar. My teachers think that I'm too forceful and hellbent on how things will turn out and that I don't take well to "constructive criticism." But just because I know I'm better than everyone else doesn't mean that I can't take a hint.
PRINCESS MARIGOLD AND THE GOBLIN PRINCE.
Old footage of Mary, David, Nate and several other children making a movie. Mary operates and the camera. A make-shift stage set up outside, with a blanket as the background sits in front of a large chair/couch. Mary and David are about 12 or 13, Nate's about 7 or 8.
Young MARY
Are you guys ready yet?
YOUNG DAVID
Hold on. Nate won't put his costume on.
YOUNG NATE
I don't want to be a girl. Girls are gross.
YOUNG MARY
You're the only one who fits into the princess costume.
Another child
Just put it on, Nate.
YOUNG NATE
No wig.
YOUNG MARY
You have to wear the wig, or else the illusion is lost!
Sounds of a scuffle.
YOUNG DAVID
OK. Ready.
YOUNG MARY
OK.
Mary holds up a sheet of paper in front of the Camera, with the title "Prinsess Marygold and the Gobblen Prinse."
YOUNG MARY
The story of the Princess Marigold and the Goblin Prince. By Mary Paul and David Gregory. Set by Mary Paul and David Gregory. Lighting by Mary Paul and David Gregory. Director of Photography Mary Paul. Directed and narrated by Mary Paul. Basically everything was done by me and David, so...
YOUNG DAVID
Hurry up Mary!
She takes the sheet of paper out of the way of the camera.
YOUNG MARY
Once upon a time there was a young princess, named Marigold.
Nate crosses to sit on a chair set up on their makeshift stage.
YOUNG MARY (CONT'D)
Even though she wasn't very pretty, she was smart and talented...
EXT. OUTSIDE IN DAVID'S BACKYARD. IN THE BUSHES. AFTERNOON.
Mary is hiding in the bushes from David, who is taking a nap on a chair under a tree.
MARY
The hunter quietly stalks her prey, the David-us Ignoraimus, her favourite meal. Yum yum yum. There is no escaping her now.
She is right beside David, with the camera inches away from his face.
MARY (CONT'D)
(Shouting) David!
He jumps from his sleep.
DAVID
Holy fuck!
MARY
(Laughing)
DAVID
What the fucking hell was that?
MARY
(Laughing) Really funny.
DAVID
Are you filming this?
MARY
No.
DAVID
Then why is the red light on?
MARY
No it isn't.
DAVID
Turn it off Mary. Turn it...
Cut to David lying on the grass, with the camera above him. Mary operates the camera.
MARY
How has your day been, Mr Gregory?
DAVID
Shitty.
MARY
And why would that be, Mr Gregory?
DAVID
This crazy person woke me up.
MARY
Is it not possible, Mr Gregory, that said person had a very good reason for waking you up?
DAVID
Said person never has a good reason for anything.
MARY
So not true!
DAVID
Name one thing you've ever done for good reason.
MARY
OK. How about the time I saved up for the extended Lord of the Rings boxset? There's something I did for a good reason. And you can't say no to that 'cause you watched them with me the same day.
DAVID
Are people going to see this?
MARY
Why?
DAVID
I'm worried what they'll do to you once they find out how crazy you are.
While David talks, Mary zooms in and out with the camera.
DAVID (CONT'D)
What are you doing?
MARY
Making this interview more interesting. Woo. Woo.
DAVID
Give me that!
MARY
No...
Cut to Mary standing next to the garden.
MARY (CONT'D)
Not fair Daivd.
DAVID
Never said it was.
MARY
You stole my camera.
DAVID
You stole my dignity.
MARY
Trade?
DAVID
OK.
They walk towards each other, and David passes the camera back to Mary.
DAVID (CONT'D)
So you'll tape over the interview?
MARY
Of course.
DAVID
Promise?
MARY
Promise.
DAVID
I don't want to find this later in your computer or something.
MARY
God, I'll get rid of it!
DAVID
Now?
MARY
No, not now.
DAVID
Why? I want to see you destroy it right now.
MARY
Now?
DAVID
Yes now.
MARY
No.
DAVID
Why not?
MARY
Because I want to use my laser vision, and the radiation would kill you.
INT. MARY'S ROOM. EVENING.
Mary sits at her computer, speaking into the camera.
MARY
OK. It's Friday night, and David hasn't called me yet, and I'm really T.O.-ed. But what can you do?
Raises a phone to the camera.
MARY (CONT'D)
Except prank phone him!
She dials a number, laughing.
MARY (CONT'D)
Hello? Yeah, I'm looking for some hot male strippers, and I was told to call here. Yes, well, there for this friend of mine, David Gregory. Yeah. We were talking the other day about how much he wanted to have some hot male strippers, so I thought, hey, it's his birthday, why don't I get him a really awesome present.
David is screaming into the phone, though everything he is saying is unintelligible . Mary is clearly having fun.
MARY (CONT'D)
Oh come on! It's me! What do you mean, "Who's me?" Yeah, of course it's me, duh. Who else do you know that would phone you up and ask for some hot male strippers? Like hell "good point." So when are you picking me up? What do you mean you're not? What do you mean you're busy? No, you can't sit at home doing nothing tonight. It's Friday, we're young, and I have to many braincells left to be considered living life to its fullest. So when are you going to pick me up?
Cut to David driving up in his car as Mary walks towards him, bubbly and pleased. She opens the car door and plops down next to him.
DAVID
Shut up.
INT. DAVID'S BASEMENT. NIGHT.
Mary and David have set up the camera so that they are both visible in the shot. They're sitting on a couch with snack food piled around them.
MARY
So wasn't a Sean Connery movie night so much better than the alternative?
DAVID
Sure.
MARY
Sure? Sure is all I get for my effort and time in putting together such a marvelous evening?
DAVID
I was the one who drove us everywhere and paid for everything.
MARY
I forgot my wallet!
DAVID
Conveniently enough.
MARY
I am shocked and disturbed by your horrible accusation!
DAVID
So where did you leave it?
MARY
On my dresser.
DAVID
Next to the gnome?
MARY
You say it like it's a bad thing.
DAVID
I don't trust the gnome.
MARY
You gave me the gnome!
DAVID
I thought you two would be good together. The underlying evil in you seemed to match his.
MARY
Poor gnome.You had a good time tonight.
DAVID
(Sighs)
Yes, I've had a good time tonight.
MARY
(Triumphantly)
There you are, ladies and gentlemen, he admits it! I have done my duty. I can die happy.
DAVID
I'm so pleased that this evening has turned out to be all about you.
MARY
You don't catch onto things very quickly, do you?
They sit quietly for a moment.
MARY (CONT'D)
Hey David?
DAVID
What?
MARY
Do you think we'll still be friends in twenty years?
DAVID
You mean when we're old and decrepit?
MARY
Be serious.
DAVID
I think we will.
MARY
Really?
DAVID
Yeah. Sure we'll be friends.
MARY
Even if I become really famous and you're flipping burgers.
DAVID
Yeah. And they're going to be the best damn burgers any human ever has consumed.
MARY
Good.
DAVID
Good.
INT. DAVID'S CAR. AFTERNOON.
Mary and David listen to very loud, angry sounding music as David drives them around.
DAvID
Do you ever turn that thing off?
MARY
No.
Ext. Farm. Campfire. night.
Mary fixes the camera so that it is at just the right angle. Friends laugh in the background.
MARY
...Cause I want to remember everything when I'm old and feeble.
DAVID
I don't think this obsession is a healthy one.
FRIEND ONE
Where are the marshmallows?
Cut to friends all laughing and throwing marshmallows at each other.
Cut to one friend telling a scary story to the others, with a flashlight under his chin.
FRIEND ONE
...and the floorboards creaked, *creaking noises* as the girl walked towards the door and slowly opened it *door opening noises*.
Friend Three, turns and grabs another friend.
FRIEND THREE
Boo!
Several people scream. Everyone starts laughing.
MARY
Holy shit man!
Cut to the group sitting quietly, staring into the fire, while a couple talk quietly.
Cut to the group sitting. Several people are no longer there, having gotten up between the cuts. Friend One sits with his girlfriend while Mary and David, wrapped in a blanket, sit beside each other. Girlfriend whispers something to Friend One and stands up, pulling him up behind her. Friend One turns back to Mary and David and shrugs, smiling. Mary and David smile after them as they skip away. Then David reaches out to Mary and touches her shoulder.
DAVID
You OK?
MARY
Yeah. Just tired.
DAVID
Cold?
MARY
A little.
David opens up his blanket. Mary laughs and moves to sit in on his lap. He wraps them both up in the blanket.
DAVID
Have you finished the essay for Murry's class yet?
MARY
What do you think?
David laughs.
MARY
What are you doing Thursday?
DAVID
Nothing.
MARY
Want to make dinner for me?
DAVID
Folks out?
MARY
However did you know?
Cut to David and Mary sitting together quietly, watching the fire.
Cut to Mary and David laughing uproariously.
MARY
That is not what he said!
DAVID
What did he say then?
MARY
He said...
Mary is overcome by laughing, and they both laugh harder.
Cut to Mary and David watching the fire again.
MARY
Do you think I'll do it?
DAVID
What?
MARY
Become a director?
DAVID
Honest?
MARY
Yes.
DAVID
I think you'll do whatever you want to.
MARY
Really?
DAVID
Yup.
Mary looks up at David. They look at each other for a moment,before David slowly leans into Mary. She leans in as well, and they kiss for a moment. Mary pulls away quickly.
DAVID
Sorry.
MARY
That's OK.
They start watching the fire again. A group of their friends comes, back, laughing and joking.
INT. A CLASSROOM. AFTERNOON.
Mary has her camera in a classroom. A teacher is giving a lesson of some kind. She pans the camera around the room, with various students noticing what she is doing. The teacher, however, seems oblivious. Mary pans from one side of the classroom to the other. David holds up a piece of paper. Written on it in big letters is, "You suck."
MARY
Real mature.
David shrugs, then goes back to paying attention. Mary turns the camera towards the clock. It's almost three o'clock. She waits for the teacher to dismiss them
The bell rings, the teacher dismisses them and the students quickly pack up their things. They leave the class room in a rush. Mary waits outside the door for David.
DAVID
You're such a schmuck.
MARY
I'd rather be a schmuck than a loser. Really, "You suck?" You need better comebacks my man.
They walk down the hall. Students around them respond to the camera, either by avoiding it or stepping in front and making faces into it.
DAVID
Are we still on for tonight?
MARY
Do I still have faith that pigs will fly?
DAVID
Can you ever just give a straight answer?
They come to David's locker. He drops his books and opens the lock, then puts his books away.
MARY
Do Klingon's like Tribble's?
DAVID
You suck.
MARY
Better comebacks.
DAVID
Are you still up for it?
MARY
Of course. Like I'd walk out of it now.
DAVID
OK. Outside. The hill. Midnight.
MARY
Not midnight. That's so cliché.
DAVID
Fine. What time do you want to meet?
MARY
(Mocking)
I don't know. How about midnight, when all the cool kids meet.
DAVID
There is no word to describe the freak you are.
MARY
How about eight. We'll grab dinner and then do it.
DAVID
Sure.
MARY
Fine.
DAVID
See you at eight.
MARY
Where are we going to meet?
DAVID
I'll pick you up.
MARY
Promise?
DAVID
No way am I going to miss this.
EXT. ON A HILL. NIGHT.
David films Mary. They are with a group of people, standing around Mary, who is wearing a hockey helmet, shoulder pads, and various other forms of protective sportswear. There is a large garbage can sitting next to her.
MARY
Is it on?
David
Yes it's on.
MARY
Are you sure?
David
It's says it's recording right now!
MARY
OK. Loyal following! I am about to do what was originally thought to be the impossible! I am going to roll down this big ass hill, wearing only this protective gear, and this barrel, and I'm doing it for ten freaking dollars!
DAvID
You're crazy!
MARY
And soon to be ten dollars richer. Help me into this.
Some of the crowd go forward. They lower Mary into the garbage can, and then tip it down so it's on its side. The camera flickers.
David
Shit!
MARY
What?
DAVID
The camera went funky.
MARY
Is it working?
DAVID
Yeah.
MARY
Is it recording?
DAVID
Yeah it's working now.
MARY
Good. I don't want to miss this.
NATE
Mary?
MARY
What Nate?
NATE
If you die...
DAVID
She's not going to die Nate.
NATE
But if you do, can I have your monkey lamp?
MARY
Sure thing Nate.
David walks over so that he is standing beside Mary.
DAVID
(Whispers) Mary?
MARY
Yeah?
DAVID
Don't die, OK?
MARY
Sure thing David. (To the group) Let's go boys! I can't wait all day!
GUY ONE
OK, ready?
MARY
Yeah yeah. Push us already!
GUY ONE
OK. Here we go!
They push Mary down the hill. She rolls down wildly, and eventually crashes at the bottom. The group runs down to make sure Mary's OK.
DAviD
Mary? Mary! Are you alright? Mary?
FRIEND TWO
Shit!
Mary doesn't respond. David runs up to her and pulls off the helmet, but before doing so, passes the camera to Nate, who keeps recording.
DAVID
Mary, are you OK? Say something.
GUY TWO
Is she awake?
GUY ONE
She's not saying anything!
GUY TWO
Fuck! We've killed her!
NATE
Mary? Some one get a flashlight over here!
DAVID
Say something.
MARY
That was fucking awesome!
DAVID
Shit!
NATE
Did she say something?
DAVID
She's OK.
MARY
Where's my ten bucks?
DAVID
You're crazy! You're fucking crazy.
MARY
Takes one to know one, jackass.
INT. MARY'S ROOM.
Mary sits at her computer. Talking into the camera.
MARY
So I'm grounded for the hill escapade. But I still have this.
Shows the camera a ten dollar bill.
MARY (CONT'D)
Ha ha! It was so worth it! Two weeks? It's like they're congratulating me! I even heard the old man saying he wish he had thought of it at my age! And look at this.
Holds up a math test with a fairly decent grade on it.
MARY (CONT'D)
I got a seventy-three percent on my math test! This has been the most victorious week of my life!
INT. MARY'S ROOM. ON HER BED. NIGHT.
The camera is set up so that we can see a mess of blankets that is Mary's bed. An action figure is walked in front of the camera by Mary. From the other side of the screen comes a Barbie, twice as big as the action figure. Mary is the voice of all of the characters in her mini movie.
ACTION FIGURE
Hello Madame Doom!
MADAME DOOM
At long last we meet again!
ACTION FIGURE
Let us end this bitter feud once and for all, Madame Doom!
MADAME DOOM
Happily!
The dolls proceed to fight poorly with each other, as only action figures can. Mary makes fighting sounds as they battle.
MADAME DOOM (CONT'D)
Oh! I am slain!
Madame Doom falls slain to the bed.
MADAME DOOM (CONT'D)
I have something I wish to say to you, brave hero.
ACTION FIGURE
Say it quickly, for it shall be your last!
MADAME DOOM
I have *cough cough* always loved you!
ACTION FIGURE
Oh Doom! What have I done!
MADAME DOOM
It is too late!
ACTION FIGURE
No! I can carry you to the nearest settlement!
MADAME DOOM
No! I feel the life slipping from me now!
ACTION FIGURE
NO!
MADAME DOOM
And I die.
Madame Doom dies.
ACTION FIGURE
PRINCESS MARIGOLD AND THE GOBLIN PRINCE.
YOUNG MARY
...Marigold was locked in a tower high up in the sky, where she looked down from above, and saw all the other children playing and having fun without her. Marigold had no friends, except for a little elf that would visit her, but never let her see him...
EXT. A PARK. AFTERNOON.
Mary waits for David with her camera, filming the leaves and trees around her, listening to nature. She hears laughing and a group of preppy, pretty girls walks into frame. Amanda, their leader, notices Mary and laughs.
AMANDA
Look what the cat dragged in.
PREP ONE
What a loser.
They mock Mary from afar, the camera filming them as they do so. David walks up and surprising Mary, she swings the camera to face him. The girls are still audible in the background.
DAVID
Mary?
David notices the girls over Mary's shoulder.
DAVID (CONT'D)
Want to head out?
MARY
Yeah. Sure.
DAVID
You OK?
MARY
Let's just go.
INT. MARY'S ROOM.
Set up for monologue. Mary is obviously upset.
MARY
I don't understand why people can be so horrible to other people. I know I'm not always the nicest person, but at least I know when to stop and when it's not funny anymore. I mean, come on! They're seventeen fucking years old! Can't they even begin to mature past the age of seven? God! I hate them! I hate them! Why can't they just shut up and go away and leave the rest of us in peace?
INT. DAVID'S CAR. AFTERNOON.
Mary and David are driving around, listening to the radio.
DAVID
There is no way in hell that you like the Tears for Fears version better than the Gary Jules version!
MARY
I'm a sucker for the classics!
DAVID
It is not a classic!
MARY
It came first!
David
There are synthesizers!
EXT. A WOODED AREA. A CAMP SITE. MIDNIGHT.
Mary and David are camping in a forest, filming a parody of "The Blair Witch Project." Mary films their campsite as David sets things up.
MARY
So this is our tent. And we'll put the fire in this pit thinger here.... Hey David, want to roast marshmallows later?
DAVID
Do you have any?
MARY
No.
DAVID
Then no.
MARY
What are you doing?
David has tied a bag full of food to a rope and has thrown it over a branch high up on a tree.
DAVID
Protecting the food from scavengers.
MARY
Like what?
DAVID
Bears.
MARY
Bears?
DAVID
Maybe not bears...
MARY
David, all the scavenging animals that live here can get to the food.
DAVID
Oh.
David finishes his task.
MARY
OK. Ready?
DAVID
Wait.... OK.
Cut to a later time. Night has fallen. They both have a camera, and we cut from one to the other as the need arises.
MARY
OK. Ready?
Cut to David's camera, filming Mary.
David
Ready.
MARY
OK. Once upon a time there was a Blair Witch, and she ate little children and was really hairy according to that crazy lady in the movie and it killed these kids making a documentary about her.
DAVID
You're a horrible narrator.
MARY
Shh!
DAVID
Sorry.
MARY
One day, a new group went into the forest to try and capture the (said dramatically) Blair Witch! Oowo! Oowo!
DAVID
I heard something outside!
MARY
Fuck fuck fuck!
DAVID
It was this way!
MARY
Is it our companion, stolen from out midst?
DAVID
At least try to be natural.
MARY
Fine.
The film cuts and skips.
DAVID
What now?
MARY
Umm, let's try running!
DAVID
OK.
Mary and David run screaming and laughing.
PRINCESS MARIGOLD AND THE GOBLIN PRINCE.
...The elf and Marigold would talk all day about everything and anything. They were the best of friends. But Marigold didn't understand why her best friend wouldn't come out from his hiding place behind the curtains...
INT. INSIDE THE TENT SET UP FOR BLAIR WITCH FILMING. NIGHT.
David turns on the camera and turns it on himself. He holds it for awhile, staring into the screen, trying to say something. Mary wakes up.
Mary
What are you doing?
DAVID
Nothing.
David turns off the camera.
INT. DAVID'S HOUSE. HIS KITCHEN. DAY.
David's brother sits at the kitchen table, eating cereal. His mother is at the counter, making some kind of meal. David stands at the counter, taking his medication. Mary sits by Nate, trying to interview him. He is resistant to her efforts.
MARY
Mr. Gregory...
NATE
Master.
MARY
What?
NATE
I'd be called master. I'm not old enough to be a mister.
MARY
If you're not careful, I'll tell your mom where you were the night on the hill.
NATE
You wouldn't.
MARY
Try me.
Stony silence as they try to call the others bluff. Mary wins.
NATE
(Unhappily)
Fine.
MARY
Mr Gregory, would you mind telling us what you are breakfasting on this fine morning?
NATE
Discount oat loops.
MARY
Yum yum. Discount oat loops.
Zooms in close to the oat loops.
NATE
Back off.
MARY
Are you almost done over there?
DAVID
Yeah. Let's go.
DAVID'S MOM
You'll be home in time for your appointment with Dr. Kramer?
DAVID
Yeah mom.
DAVID'S MOM
It's important David.
DAVID
That's what everyone keeps telling me.
DAVID'S MOM
(Shouting after him)
Be back before one!
David and Mary leave. Once outside, Mary speaks.
MARY
Who's this Kramer?
DAVID
New psychologist.
MARY
What happened to the old psychologist?
DAVID
He sent me to the new psychologist.
MARY
Oh.
DAVID
Come on.
EXT. AT A PARTY. A FRIEND'S HOUSE. NIGHT.
Mary and David drive up to a house with teenagers sitting on the front lawn and loud music coming from inside. A large party has already started. Mary is filming. They get out of the car and walk up to the door and enter. The people by the door notice they've come in, but few greet them in any substantial way. David enters the crowd, Mary following and filming him. They walk through crowds of kids, some hanging out, some dancing to the music. David turns to Mary.
DAVID
I'm going to get something to drink.
MARY
Are you sure that's...
DAVID
I'll be fine. Want anything?
MARY
No thanks.
DAVID
A beer, then?
He gives a half-smile and turns to get the drinks. Mary wanders more, getting up close to a live band set up in the living room. She films them playing until David comes up behind her and taps her shoulder.
DAVID (CONT'D)
Here.
He hands her a plastic cup.
MARY
Thanks.
DAVID
Let's get away from this noise.
They walk away to a quieter part of the house, and eventually outside again. They hang out with some friends they've found there.
FRIEND ONE
(Taking the camera)
Hey Mary, how does this work?
He does horrible things to the camera.
FRIEND ONE (CONT'D)
What's that beeping noise?
MARY
Shit! What the hell have you done! Give me that!
DAVID
I'll be back.
David leaves. Some time passes, the friends goofing around and being general idiots, talking about things going on at school, quoting famous movies, etc. Mary notices that David has been gone for awhile and she decides to go look for him.
MARY (CONT'D)
Can I have my camera back?
FRIEND TWO
Sure thing.
She heads inside, but once there, get's caught in a crowd, with people shoving past her. She moves around frantically, trying to find David and get out of the mass of people. Suddenly, David appears at her shoulder, stressed out and obviously upset about something.
DAVID
Mary!
MARY
There you are! I was looking for you...
DAVID
Can we go?
MARY
What?
DAVID
I want to go.
MARY
OK. Umm...
DAVID
Now. Please Mary.
MARY
Can I say bye to the guys...
DAVID
Mary!
MARY
OK. Let's go.
Cut to inside of David's car. David drives them home from the party as Mary films him from the passenger seat.
MARY
Are you OK?
DAVID
Yeah. Sure. Why?
MARY
You wanted to jet pretty quickly.
DAVID
Just wasn't into it.
MARY
OK.
PRINCESS MARIGOLD AND THE GOBLIN PRINCE.
Mary
...No matter how much Princess Marigold begged and pleaded, the elf wouldn't come out and see her. In fact, when she did ask him to come out, he would hide himself even more...
Ext. wooded area. midnight.
Mary and David run through the forest laughing and screaming.
Mary
Which way?
David
This way! Follow me!
More laughing and screaming.
int. Mary's room.
Mary has set up her camera for a monologue.
Mary
(Happily)
I am so tired. David's mom took us shopping today. It was awesome! We went to this crappy old bookstore and found this book about surviving high school for kids in the fifties, and it's seriously like, "Hey there Billy! Would you like to know what time it is Billy? It's time for high school Billy! doesn't that sound like fun Billy? Oh Billy, you're such a little hooligan." It's fucking hilarious! And then, we saw this weird artsy film about people who mysteriously loose their faces and move to this town in the mid-west. It was really trippy yet oddly plausible. Oh, and after that, we went to this crazy Vietnamese restaurant where the owners yelled back and forth to each other in Vietnamese and we ate this like fish thing and I think it was still kind of alive, or at least it smelt that way. Then we had ice cream. Official status: this has been the most incandescently perfect day of my life.
INT. MARY'S ROOM.
Mary has built a puppet theartre out of a large cardboard box. having set up the camera opposite the theartre, she runs behind and sets to putting on a show for the camera. David is laughing behind the sock puppet theartre
MARY
Once upon a time there were sock puppets, then there were... SOCK PUPPETS FROM HELL!
A sock puppet pops up. It surveys the scene.
Sock puppet
I have found and tilled this good green earth till it has brought me crops, and with them, peace and prosperity.
A glove with each finger as an individual person appears from the side and flies from one side of the theartre to the other.
gLOVE
Hurray!
SOCK PUPPET
What could possibly go wrong with this situation?
Tiny sock glove screams come from where they disappeared.
SOCK PUPPET
What ever could that be?
Sock puppets from hell appear from where the screams came from.
hellish sock puppets
Grarr!
SOCK PUPPET
Oh no! It's... sock puppets from hell!
HELLISH SOCK PUPPETS
ROAR!
The sock puppets from hell begin to attack the regular sock puppets. Soon enough, the glove comes back and an epic battle ensues. Soon enough, however, the evil sock puppets begin to over take the regular socks.
SOCK PUPPET
It's no use! We'll never defeat them!
A shiny floating orb descends from the top of the theartre.
Floating Orb
All is not lost, Witheropt.
SOCK PUPPET
Why, it's a giant floating orb!
FLOATING ORB
Follow your heart, Witheropt!
A sock puppet made out of a tiny tiny sock appears from behind a larger sock.
Witheropt
I understand, giant floating orb!
Witheropt leaps forward and covers the evil socks with a clear plastic bowl that has been picked up from the floor, which acts as a forcefield.
WITHEROPT
Haha! The socks from hell are captured and shall never again attack the poor villages!
Socks
Hurray!
MARY
But for how long? Da DA da DA da DAA!
David falls out of the sock puppet theartre, laughing.
MARY
It was good, wasn't it?
PRINCESS MARIGOLD AND THE GOBLIN PRINCE.
MARY
...One day something horrible happened. The evil Knights of Milkweed came up to the tower and took Princess Marigold away. She called out for her elf friend to save her, but he was too afraid to come out. So she was taken away. Princess Marigold was taken away to King No-Land's evil kingdom, where he told her he was going to force her to be his Queen...
EXT. David's house. Early afternoon.
Mary rings the doorbell. Nate answers the door.
MARY
Nate! I'm looking for your brother. Has he emerged yet?
NATE
Yeah. One sec.
Mary follows Nate into the house.
NATE
David! Mary's here!
David walks in from another room.
DAVID
No.
MARY
Come on David!
DAVID
I want a quiet day at home!.
MARY
You always say that and then you always have fun.
DAVID
A quiet day Mary. Just once.
MARY
Ok. I promise it'll be quiet.
DAVID
You sure?
MARY
Yes. The plans were quiet to begin with.
DAVID
(Suspicously)
What are you planning?
EXT. A PARK. AFTERNOON.
Mary and David are having a picnic in a calm and lovely park. they're set up on a blanket, with every picnic stereotype in the book.
MARY
More lemonade, Mr. Gregory?
DAVID
Why thank you, Ms. Paul.
MARY
So...?
DAVID
It's OK.
MARY
OK? This is everything you wanted today! It's quiet! Cultured! I don't know what else you would want for a quiet day!
DAVID
Nothing. It's perfect.
MARY
Then what's wrong?
DAVID
Nothing. I'm just not in a mood to enjoy it.
MARY
You're never in a mood to enjoy anything!
DAVID
That's not fair!
MARY
It's true! What's the good of the fucking drugs if they're not working!
DAVID
This isn't about the meds Mary!
MARY
Then what's it about David?
DAVID
Fuck this!
David storms off. Mary sits watching him go, then turns off the camera.
INT. MARY'S ROOM.
A monologue.
MARY
I'm an asshole.
EXT. DAVID'S HOUSE. EARLY AFTERNOON.
Mary rings the doorbell to David's house and waits. No one answers, so she takes out a key and unlocks the door.
MARY
David?
INT. MARY'S ROOM.
Mary paces around her bedroom with her phone. She keeps going to dial a number, then stops. Finally, she dials the number and makes the phone call.
MARY
David? Yeah, it's me. Look sorry about...
David interrupts her to say something.
MARY
No, it's my fault. I got to involved in a stupid plan of mine and I took things way to personally. Can I make it up to you? OK. pick me up here in half an hour. OK. See you then. OK. Bye.
INSIDE DAVID'S CAR. AFTERNOON.
Mary and David are driving to Mary's secret destination. She films what passes by in the window.
DAVID
Are we there yet?
MARY
Almost.
DAVID
Straight or turn?
MARY
Turn left. A little farther out.
Cut.
DAVID
It's a nice day.
MARY
Very nice.
Cut.
DAVID
Do I get any clue?
MARY
None at all.
DAVID
Shucks.
Cut.
MARY
How does that song go?
Cut.
Both
(Laughing)
Cut.
DAVID
Oh, I know this one, I know this one...
Mary and David laugh and try to find the lyrics to the song (yet to be determined). They pull up to an empty beach. They get out and walk along the serf.
DAVID
Hey Mary?
MARY
Yeah?
DAVID
Thanks.
MARY
Feel better?
David looks into the camera.
DAVID
Sure.
INT. MARY'S ROOM.
Mary set up for monologue.
MARY
I'm worried about...
She gives up and turns off camera.
EXT. DAVID'S HOUSE. EARLY AFTERNOON.
Same shot from before. Mary rings the doorbell to David's house and waits. No one answers, so she takes out a key and unlocks the door.
MARY
David?
INT. MARY'S ROOM.
Mary has set up her camera for a monologue. She has been crying.
MARY
Today was a really bad day, and I don't know what to do about it. Some jerks were pissing off David and he got into this fight and then the teacher's all came rushing out. I tried to tell them that the other guys were the ones who started the fight, but then David got all defensive and told me to mind my own freaking business, so I left and came here. So now he's trying to apologize in this geeky email with this stupid cartoon he stole off the internet. I'm just so tired of this whole moody thing he's going through. Whatever medication he's on is only making it worse, and no one but him and me seem to be noticing how fucked up it's making him. I should just go to sleep.
INT. DAVID'S BASEMENT. NIGHT.
Mary and David sit around with a few others, playing cards. David is restless. Mary is filming.
FRIEND ONE
I see your fifty cents, and raise you a holographic pokeman card.
Everyone is laughing and having a good time, except for David.
DAVID
Why don't we go for a walk?
FRIEND TWO
Yeah let's go for a walk.
Friend three
I don't really feel like it.
FRIEND ONE
After this hand maybe.
DAVID
No, let's go now.
FRIEND ONE
OK, after this hand.
DAVID
I'm bored. I want to go do something interesting now.
FRIEND TWO
We can finish the hand...
David throws down his cards and stands up, walking away.
DAVID
Fuck it.
FRIEND ONE
Woah!
FRIEND TWO
You OK?
DAVID
Just leave it.
FRIEND TWO
David?
DAVID
I'm just bored with this shitty game and I want to do something interesting for a change.
FRIEND THREE
Yeah, ok. After this hand.
DAVID
I'm going for a walk.
David leaves the room. Mary follows him.
EXT. DAVID'S HOUSE. night.
Mary has followed David out of his house and is talking with him next to the side door.
MARY
What was that back there?
DAVID
I was done with playing poker, that's all.
MARY
Well you could have been nicer about it.
DAVID
(Angrily)
I was done so I said so. What's the problem with that?
MARY
Cool off Dave!
David storms off down the street.
MARY
David! Where do you think you're going? David!
EXT. DAVID'S HOUSE. EARLY AFTERNOON.
Same footage as before. Mary rings the doorbell to David's house and waits. No one answers, so she takes out a key and unlocks the door.
MARY
David?
INT. MARY'S ROOM.
Mary has set up her puppet theartre again. Action Figure enters.
ACTION FIGURE
Finally, I can avenge the death of my dearly beloved love, Madame Doom against the villains who made me turn against her, the sock puppets from hell! da da daa!
Enter evil sock puppet.
HELLISH SOCK PUPPET
Well well well. If it isn't my arch enemy...
ACTION FIGURE
Can it socky! Let us do battle and end this!
HELLISH SOCK PUPPET
Gladly!
They battle, but Mary quickly loses interest and stops the camera.
MARY
(Annoyed/Angrily)
Fuck this.
INT. MARY'S ROOM.
Mary and David sit on Mary's bed. Mary is reading through university pamphlets while David plays catch with one of Mary's stuffed animals. They listen to music.
MARY
What about Quebec? We could go there.
DAVID
We don't speak French.
MARY
We would learn while we're there. It's be like an exchange.
David ignores her.
MARY
What about Toronto? Toronto's cool.
DAVID
I'm not going to school so it doesn't matter.
MARY
You're going to school.
DAVID
No I'm not.
MARY
Yes you are David. We agreed years ago. We're going to go to university and study film and whatever it is you want to do with computers and then we're going to start a film company.
DAVID
Software programing.
MARY
What?
DAVID
I wanted to go into software programing.
MARY
Whatever. The point is, we need to find schools close to each other so that we can stay friends.
DAVID
I'm not going to school Mary.
MARY
You don't have a choice. I'm making you come with me. What about this one?
Mary shows him a pamphlet. He ignores it.
DAVID
Whatever.
Mary sighs and goes back to her searching.
PRINCESS MARIGOLD AND THE GOBLIN PRINCE.
MARY
...Princess Marigold's elf friend came out from his hiding place. But he wasn't an elf at all, but a Goblin, one of the Princess' worst enemies. He had been sent by the King No-Land to spy on the Princess, but had fallen in love with her, and couldn't hurt her anymore. But now the evil King had taken her away. There was no choice, but to save her, even though he was afraid, he would have to be brave and face the King. He made plans to go and save her as fast as possible...
INT. MARY'S ROOM.
Mary is on the phone with David, arguing with him.
MARY
What do you mean you aren't taking me to prom? I thought we'd agreed on this? That's not a good enough reason. Look, if you miss it now, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. I'm not taking no for an answer. So buy the tickets and...
She looks at her phone.
MARY
(Speaking to herself)
He hung up on me!
Int. school hallway by David's locker.
Mary films David while he roots through his locker.
MARY
Why don't you tell the viewers at home why you won't go to prom with me.
DAVID
What viewers at home?
MARY
You're missing the point!
DAVID
(Sighs)
I don't see the point in going.
MARY
When has there been a point to anything they've made us do?
DAVID
This is voluntary.
MARY
No it isn't. Besides, you promised you'd take me.
DAVID
Well, now I'm unpromising it.
MARY
That goes against all the rules of promising!
DAVID
Please Mary. Don't make me do it.
MARY
Just give me a reason why and I won't make you go. Just one reason, and I'll back off.
DAVID
One reason?
MARY
Yes. Why won't you go to prom?
DAVID
It'll probably just suck.
MARY
That's your reason?
David
Yes.
MARY
That's stoopid.
David shrugs his shoulders and walks off down the hall.
ext. school. afternoon.
Mary and Nate wait for David to bring the car around to pick them up.
NATE
He wants to go you know.
MARY
What?
NATE
He wants to go to prom. He just thinks he can't for some reason.
David comes round with the car.
NATE
There's David.
INT. MARY'S ROOM.
Monologue.
MARY
This cannot stand!
EXT. DAVID'S HOUSE. NIGHT.
Mary knocks on David's door dressed in a suit, carrying those fancy bags that keep your clothing neat. Nate opens it and ushers her in.
NATE
Mom! Mary's here!
David's mom comes in from the other room and smiles at Mary.
DAVID'S MOM
David, Mary's here for you!
David comes down the stairs, dressed in pyjamas.
DAVID
What are you doing here?
MARY
It's prom!
DAVID
Mary...
MARY
All the work is done for you. Just go upstairs and put on this suit. The limos waiting outside. And by limo, I mean your car. So hurry.
David thinks for a moment.
DAVID
I'll be right back.
MARY
That's the spirit!
David takes the bag and goes upstairs.
DAVID'S MOM
Thank you.
MARY
It's OK.
DAVID'S MOM
No, really Mary. Thank you.
MARY
Go get your camera.
DAVID'S MOM
Oh, right!
Cut to Mary and David standing at the front door. David's mom takes pictures of them. Nate makes faces behind David.
DAVID'S MOM
Pose nicely. Nate, stop doing that! Get out of the picture. Smile guys!
Mary and David smile for the picture, and the flash from the camera goes off.
DAVID
Did you get it?
DAVID'S MOM
Let me try again.
DAVID
Come on Mom!
MARY
This night is for her David. Let her get it right.
DAVID'S MOM
Too true.
MARY
Ooo! Let's do the Prom Pose!
DAVID
The what?
MARY
The pose you're supposed to do for prom. Here....
Mary stands in front of David and wraps his arms around her waist, holding his hands in hers.
DAVID'S MOM
Oooh! That's perfect Mary! Hold still. Get out of the picture Nate! OK, smile!
They smile as David's mother takes the picture.
DAVID'S MOM
Ok. I'm done.
DAVID
You sure?
DAVID'S MOM
Yes yes. Now go and have fun.
MARY
Do you mind if I leave my camera here?
DAVID
Why?
MARY
I don't want it to get lost.
DAVID
You bring it everywhere, why leave it tonight?
MARY
I don't have to explain my rationalization to you!
DAVID
Fine, let's go.
MARY
Turn off my camera, would you Nate?
NATE
Sure.
Nate walks over and turns off the camera.
EXT. WOODED AREA. MIDNIGHT.
Mary and David run through the forest. David goes out of sight.
MARY
David?
INT. MARY'S ROOM.
Camera set up for monologue.
MARY
I am officially and forever more a god among men. David had a blast at prom and everyone loved our matching suits. Gretchen Frances looked liked a complete slut and Brian Clark grabbed my ass three times and tried to get Jennifer Otley to have sex with him in the back of his limo. It was completely cliche and stupid and juvenile. It was perfect in every possible way. David danced with me for the last dance. It's weird, I mean, when we were younger I had this crush on him and everything. I thought I was, you know, over it. But dancing with him at prom was... it felt right.
She turns off the camera.
EXT. DAVID'S HOUSE. EARLY AFTERNOON.
Same footage as before. Mary rings the doorbell to David's house and waits. No one answers, so she takes out a key and unlocks the door.
MARY
David?
Mary walks into David's empty, eerie house.
MARY
David? Are you there? Hello?
PRINCESS MARIGOLD AND THE GOBLIN PRINCE.
MARY
...The Goblin stood in front of King No-Land and demanded for Princess Marigold to be freed. The King said that he would never release his Queen! The Goblin and King No-Land started to fight for the Princess.
Pause for fighting.
Mary
The Goblin struck down King No-Land, but at a terrible cost...
INT. DAVID'S BASEMENT. NIGHT.
Mary and David sit talking. David is staring off into space and obviously not present in the moment.
MARY
So I was all like, woah man, lay off the shouting, and I totally walloped him during lunch. I still have his hat and everything.... David?
David looks up at Mary.
DAVID
What?
MARY
You were all freaky.
DAVID
Was I?
MARY
Yeah. You totally zoned out on me for a second.
DAVID
Oh.
MARY
Everything OK?
DAVID
Yup.
MARY
Stop lying.
DAVID
(Laughing)
It's OK. I was just thinking about some stuff.
Mary sets the camera so that it's filming them both.
MARY
How are things at therapy?
DAVID
Same.
MARY
David, you know if you ever want to talk about anything...
DAVID
Yeah.
MARY
OK.
iNT. A CLASSROOM. AFTERNOON.
Mary films in a class again. She tries to get David's attention, but he ignores her.
Teacher
Mary!
Mary swings the camera around to film the teacher.
TEACHER
What have I told you? Turn that thing off!
Teacher walks over to Mary as she turns off the camera.
INT. MARY'S ROOM.
Mary's on the phone, calling David,
MARY
Please pick up. Please pick up. Please.... Hey, David? It's me, Mary. Yeah, I was just wondering if you wanted to do something tonight? They just came out with this collection of.... Yeah. OK then. Call me later though, OK? Yeah. Bye then.
She hangs up.
EXT. A PARK. AFTERNOON.
Mary walks around with her camera, filming the scenery. She eventually finds Nate, sitting alone on a bench.
MARY
Nate?
Nate looks up at her sadly.
MARY
Are you alright?
NATE
I'm OK.
MARY
You don't look OK.
Nate tries to look OK.
NATE
I just had to get away for awhile.
Mary sits next to him on the bench.
MARY
I know what you mean.
NATE
He's not doing good.
MARY
I know.
NATE
What should we do?
MARY
I don't know.
David's house, his porch, and the wooded Area
Same footage as before. Mary rings the doorbell to David's house and waits. No one answers, so she takes out a key and unlocks the door.
MARY
David?
Mary walks into David's empty, eerie house.
MARY
David? Are you there? Hello?
MARY
David, are you up here? David?
Cut to Mary and David sitting on David's porch. He is obviously lethargic and depressed, staring off into the middle distance. He is wrapped in a blanket, neither here nor there. Mary films.
MARY
What do you want to do?
DAVID
What do you think I want to do?
MARY
We could watch a movie, or go for a walk, or talk...
DAVID
(Interrupting)
Mary?
MARY
Yeah?
DAVID
Do you ever think about making it all stop?
MARY
What do you mean?
DAVID
You know. Just, getting up one day and never coming back.
MARY
Where would you go?
DAVID
I wouldn't have to go anywhere.
Cut to the wooded area. Mary has lost sight of David in the woods. She stops running
MARY
David? David, where'd you go? David? David! This isn't funny anymore!
She starts running again, screaming for David.
MARY
David!
Cut to David's porch.
MARY
I don't think I know what you mean.
Cut to wooded area.
MARY
David!
Cut to David's porch.
Just ending it all.
Cut to the inside of David's house. Mary walks through David's upstairs hallway.
MARY
Are you in here David?
Cut to the wooded area.
MARY
David! Where are you?!
Cut to David's porch.
MARY
I don't think you should think about that.
Cut to the inside of David's house.
MARY
David?
Cut back to the porch.
DAVID
Probably. But it'd be kind of nice. All of this being over. Just the sad parts. Just the sad parts.
Cut to the wooded area.
MARY
David!
DAVID
(Calling to her.)
Over here Mary.
Mary runs in the direction of his voice.
MARY
Where?
DAVID
Here.
Mary runs to the clearing where David is standing alone and very still.
MARY
David?
He jumps at her voice, not realizing at first that she was there.
MARY
David, are you alright?
DAVID
Yeah. Yeah. It just... it got a bit real for a second. It all got a bit too real.
David breaks down, falling to the ground, crying. Mary sets down the camera, and holds him while he sobs.
MARY
It's going to be OK David. It's all going to be OK.
Int. David and Mary's tent in the wooded area.
David turns on the camera and holds it to his face for some time. Mary wakes up.
MARY
David, what are you doing with my camera?
DAVID
Nothing.
David turns off the camera.
Int. David's house.
Mary walks towards David's bedroom and opens David's door and drops the camera downwards. She collapses to the ground. She sets the camera on the bed, so that we can see David lying on his side, not moving. Mary crawls over to him and turns him around so that the audience can see that his eyes are closed and he's not breathing. Mary holds him as she sobs.
MARY
(Screaming, something like what's below)
David! Oh my God! David! What have you done! What did you fucking do? David! How could you? How could you? David! David!
Mary reaches for a phone and calls 911.
MARY
I need an ambulance! Please, I need an ambulance! He not breathing! I need you here now!
PRINCESS MARIGOLD AND THE GOBLIN PRINCE.
MARY
...The Goblin had been stabbed through the heart just before killing the King, and was dying. Princess Marigold rushed over to her friend, and held him while he died. He said, I'll love you forever, and died. She told him she'll love him forever too. And she did. The end.
All the actors clap and hop around excitedly. You can hear Mary laughing in the background.
INT. MARY'S ROOM.
Mary has her camera set up for a monologue. She watches the footage of her finding David. It ends and she turns it off.
EXT. A PARK. AFTERNOON.
Mary walks around. Filming things she sees. She goes to places where she and David used to hang out.
INT. A CLASSROOM. AFTERNOON.
Mary films in her class, David missing from his seat. She watches the clock near three, and the bell rings. She stands with the rest of her class and leaves. She goes to her locker. Amanda comes up to her.
AMANDA
Mary?
Mary turns to her.
AMANDA
I heard about David.
Mary starts to open her locker.
AMANDA
I just wanted you to know I was sorry. I know you guys were really close.
MARY
Do me a favour Amanda?
AMANDA
Yeah?
MARY
Fuck off.
Mary slams her locker door closed.
INT. MARY'S ROOM.
Camera set up for monologue. Mary holds a Post-It in her hand.
MARY
I...
She stops and turns off the camera. She turns the camera back on.
MARY
I never knew I could feel so horrible. I knew he was depressed, but I never thought he's go that far. He talked about it with me. He once said he thought about killing himself. I didn't know what to say, so I made a joke. I made a fucking joke. How could I have been so horrible to do that to him? He was trying to ask for help and I made a joke. This is all he left.
She holds up the Post-It.
MARY
It says, There. That's all. T-H-E-R-E period. No question mark, no exclamation mark. Nothing else. I've been trying to figure out what it means, but it doesn't seem to mean anything. I should have helped him. I should have done more. But how could I handle him when I couldn't even handle myself?
She begins to cry.
Int. a church. David's funeral.
A preacher stands at the front. Mary films.
Preacher
It is always hard to lose a loved one, and even harder when that loved one chooses to take his own life. We can't begin to imagine what David must have been going through to feel that he needed to end his short life on this earth. But we need to believe that he is in a better place now. A place where he can't feel the pain that he felt in this world. A place where he is loved and...
Mary turns off the camera.
Ext. David's street.
Mary walks up the street towards David's house. Nate sits on the front porch, dressed in black. Mary walks to where Nate is sitting and sits down next to him.
MARY
Hey Nate.
NATE
Hey Mary.
MARY
Where are your parents?
NATE
They had to take care of some things with the funeral home. What they want the tombstone to say and stuff.
MARY
Sure.
Nate
Do you think we could have done something?
MARY
I don't know.
NATE
I mean, I could have been nicer to him and not hated it when he got all their attention...
MARY
I don't think that's what he needed.
NATE
Do you think he did it because he hated us?
MARY
I don't know why he did it.
NATE
Was it awful?
MARY
What?
NATE
Finding him?
It was the worst.
NATE
Mary?
MARY
Yeah Nate?
NATE
Promise me you won't kill yourself.
MARY
As long as you promise.
NATE
OK.
MARY
Mind if I go in for a second?
NATE
Yeah. OK.
Int. David's Bedroom.
Mary films David's bedroom, going over all of his things very carefully so that all of it is recorded.
Ext. The Beach. Cloudy afternoon, and INt. Mary's room.
Mary walks along the beach, though it is much windier and darker than when she went there with David originally. She walks along the serf, staring out at the water.
Cut to Mary's room. Mary holds her camera to her face, speaking into it.
MARY
I went to the beach me and David went to one day today. It was a lot lonelier without him. I just... I don't want my life to become anything where it's before him and after him. I still don't understand why he did it. And I don't think I want to know. My theripist said I should make a list of things I want to tell him, but can't anymore. I wanted to tell him that I wish we could have gone to Europe, like we planned, after graduation. I wanted to tell him that he still owes me twenty dollars for the gas money he borrowed from me. I wanted to tell him it's OK that he's depressed. I wanted to tell him that I didn't want him to have to die to not be sad anymore. And I wanted to tell him that I loved him. I didn't get a chance to do that. I really wish I had. All this...
She indicates everything in front of her, mainly the recording camera.
MARY
...is all for him.
MONTAGE.
Similar to the first, but with a more hopeful mood. Have such things as Mary, David, and Nate goofing around. Mary and David driving through a drive through to get something to eat. The children from Princess Marigold bowing on their stage, Mary running up from behind the camera to join them.
MARY
Hey David?
DAVID
What?
MARY
Do you think we'll be friends still in twenty years?
DAVID
You mean when we're old and decrepit?
MARY
Be serious.
DAVID
Yeah. I think we will.
MARY
Really?
DAVID
Yeah. Sure we'll be friends.
MARY
Even if I become really famous and you're flipping burgers.
DAVID
Yeah.
MARY
Good.
DAVID
Good.
